Just under five weeks to go to Celtman and... spoiler alert: the last few weeks have been really rough. This post is an attempt to process that. I'll apologise now for the lack of pretty pictures; there haven't been many, and I'll spare you the graphic ones.
It's April 21st, a Saturday, and I've had a bit of an up-and-down couple of weeks. I've had a couple of colds, back to back, and been feeling generally a bit flat, a bit under the weather. I've just discovered a little patch of red on my tummy, that doesn't look like anything I recognise. It's not a midge bite, a tick, or a scratch... We're in Findhorn, set up to spend the night in the van ahead of a local Cycling Time Trial that I am due to ride in, next morning. We take the dog for a walk on the beach after dinner, and I'm conscious of that little red patch feeling a bit sore. When we make it back, I check my tummy. The little red patch has grown into a really big red patch. What the...?!
There's nothing I can do about it right now: it's 9pm on a Friday night and we're away from home. We go to bed; I'll deal with it in the morning.
Next morning, I wake up, and the skin on my tummy feels swollen and raw. Inspecting it, I realise it has blistered in the night. I've developed what I think is Cellulitis. A deep-layer skin infection. But from where?? Normally cellulitis begins with a break in the skin: a bite, or a cut. I didn't have either. I'm mystified, and a little bit panicked.
I already know I can't ride the Time Trial, so I email the organisers and my friend Karen, who I should have been meeting there. But hot on the heels of that thought is... "What about Celtman?" Is this going to be the end of my training? The panic and tears begin to rise.
The next few days are a blur of visits to nurses, doctors, my GP and the hospital. The first round of Antibiotics result in an allergic reaction... which leads to another visit, a change to a different set of Antibiotics, with a set of Antihistamines to counter the reaction. But my skin is far from happy, and the allergic reaction continues to get worse. By this point, the initial infection is still pretty grim, but is beginning to heal: I'm dressing it myself every day. But the allergic reaction is worsening, and I can't sleep. I'm covered from head to foot in a hot, painful, swollen, itchy rash. A nurse at the hospital tells me it's one of the worst allergic reactions she's ever seen, and the 'wound' from the original infection is 28cm long, and 9cm wide. This has become far from trivial.
Finally, the antibiotics are finished, and the allergic rash begins to subside. I'm on a massive dose of antihistamines at this stage, and it feels like things are beginning to look up. I manage the symptoms for a few days more, and begin to feel more like myself.
At this point I decided I could ease myself back to training, and go back to work. It's fixed... right?
We manage a trip to Shieldaig, and I feel reasonably strong. I'm trying to be careful, not push myself too hard. But I still manage some reassuring training sessions, including a lovely ride through Lochcarron & Achnasheen, and a swim in the gradually-warming water of Loch Shieldaig.
So after a satisfying few days, we head home, ready for me to go back to work the next day. I shower, put on a new set of pyjamas... and within an hour I'm itching again, feeling hot and uncomfortable. What on earth?
Perhaps it's just a blip. I change out of those PJ's (has something in the fabric irritated my skin again?) and go to bed. But I wake in the night feeling hot & cold. Signs of a fever. I don't have a virus, so this has to be connected to the infection. Waking Mark up, we take my temperature: 38.5.
Oh. Shit.
As an Ambulance Technician I'm very aware of the signs of Sepsis, and a history of infection connected with a temperature are Red Flags. I have exactly that. I'm scared now, but I need to rationalise this to make a sensible decision about what happens next. Looking up the warning signs in JRCALC (our ambulance service guidelines), I decide that I don't yet have severe enough symptoms to warrant a trip to A&E. [For those of a medical mindset, my NEWS2 score is 3, but I don't have the ability to take a full set of Observations. I have raised, BP, temp & HR, but can't take my own Resp rate or monitor my Sats]. I'm nervous though, because I now know I'm allergic to 4 different antibiotics, so options for treating an infection are limited. It's 2.30am. I take some paracetamol to help control my temperature, and decide I should wait it out and call my GP first thing in the morning.
Next morning, the blistered area on my tummy has reappeared overnight, and my GP confirms my suspicions: she has no other options available to manage my condition, and I'm packed off to the hospital. Two days of waiting, tests, examinations by Consultants and Nurses... a trip to Clinical Photography and Dermatology ensue. Thankfully, the temperature has subsided and I've started to feel a bit better, so I leave the hospital on day 2 with a box full of drugs, dressings, creams and gauze to treat my skin.
Well, I'm much better than I was, and beginning to ease back in to training again. But I'm still applying steroid cream and on massive doses of Antihistamines. The drug rash is still visible, and I'll be on those drugs for a while yet. I will need to be very careful not to irritate my skin again, which means swimming in a chlorinated pool is out, for the time being. Fortunately the water has started to warm up, so the sea is more practical for distance training. I managed a short session on my bike trainer yesterday, at home, to see how my body responded: happily, everything seemed ok. This morning, running felt tough but satisfying.
So I'm going to walk the fine tightrope between recovery and pushing myself for the next two weeks, and attempt my last two long rides, runs & swims before race day. All the while making sure I'm not pushing too hard. All being well, my Taper will begin then, and I'll stand in that field at the start of the swim on June 15th.
I didn't know before this whether I could complete the event and make it to T2A in the cut-off time. Now I definitely don't know. But I have to remind myself that it's not just about the last 4 weeks; it's about the last 2 years, and all the work I've done up to now.
I'll be there on June 15th, and I will give it all I have. This race still means more to me than any I have ever taken part in... I can't do any more than my best.
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